2020, I mean, what in the entire f#%^? Listen y’all, before I begin, let me focus on the good. 2020 has brought so many positives! Here are a few;
Ample quality time with children/family
The ability to slow down
Working from home
Social distancing
Proper hand washing
Innovative ways to shop
Time to focus on my passion (blogging/vlogging)
2020 has also been heavy AF on the lessons. Did I say heavy...somebody cue Neffie from the Dream Girls singing, “Heavy heavy”. Today, October 5th is the 21st day that I’ve been sick. I do believe I’m finally on the mend, but uh, your girl was out here on the real life sick and shut in list.
My last blog titled, “You Gon’ Learn Today”, details how this all started. Y’all should go read it. Now, here I am 21 days later still dealing with symptoms. I have had CT Scans, MRI, EKG and multiple trips to the ER. All have come back normal. I have been unable to drive, go to my parents, cook, clean and some days shower.
Listen here, I had to dig deep and have another heart to heart with God. It went a little something like this;
“Hey God,
It’s me Jazmine, again. I’m sick, and I’ve been sick for a minute now. I know I said I needed a break, but this isn’t what I meant. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s wrong, and I really need some help. The question I have, do we have to do this right now? You do know that my dad is dying right? You do know that I need to work right? You do know that my children need me right? It’s been weeks. I’m tired. I’m over it. I think I’ve had enough lessons for this year and the next. Do you hear me?!???!!!”
Yep, it was that deep. I used to be one of those judgmental people who talked about those who only called on God when they got in trouble, when they found themselves in unfavorable situations, then I began to think. Perhaps God sends the trouble to bring you back to him. I can remember sitting on my bed around day 15 feeling completely defeated and I heard, “will you trust me?” For a minute I thought I was crazy, but I heard it again. Ooh weeee y’all, it’s hard to trust when you’re in a storm!
While I’m not completely better, I am better. While I still don’t have an answer, I still trust God. Here is what I know, if this had not of happened I would not have stopped. If this had not have happened, I would still be doing EVERYTHING. Since this has happened, other people have had to assume the many roles I was playing. I have had the opportunity to reflect, to rest, to sleep, to be waited on, to be still, to get closer to God.
Today, if you’re struggling or going through a storm, keep going. There is a blessing in every situation, even this one. I’ve shifted my prayer from “why me?” to, “God, your will not mine”.
Until next time...🦋