More Me/I & Less Them/They
Two therapy sessions down, and many more to go! I’ve learned more in two sessions than I have in the many years of therapy before.
Before I continue, I will warn you, there are going to be a lot of blogs on healing, therapy and all things associated. This is the season I’m in. Now, there will be some fun stuff, fashion stuff and food stuff, but right now, I’m real heavy on the healing!
Let’s get into this blog!
I recently wrote a blog on trauma and healing. The road to healing requires a lot of self examining, and self work. It requires one to re-shift their focus from what and who caused it, to let’s heal it.
Over time I noticed that I had developed a blame spirit. A them/they spirit if you will. I was on a pity party party bus all by myself, and if I’m being completely honest, I was sick of me 🙄. It’s amazing how dark the mind can actually become when you are incapable of controlling your thoughts.
After speaking with my therapist, we began to discuss the origin of my issues. We discussed traits, causes, incidents, etc...but we didn’t make that the entire focus. It was more of a here is what it is, now let’s work on how to heal it. When you’re depressed, you spend a lot of time of what it is that made you depressed. In fact, it becomes your focus.
Bitter. Angry. Jaded. Done. All words that would describe where I was, but I thank God that I’m a fast learner, and this isn’t my first rodeo. I began my self work by identifying my role in how I deal with the aftermath of traumatic events.
Do I internalize?
Do I ruminate?
Do I allow the situations to consume me?
Do I live in the blame realm?
These are the few of the questions I had to ask myself, and I answered yes to each and every one of them. I had become so consumed with they and them that I was preventing my own healing. My trauma had become my story. Y’all, I had become the person that got on my nerves. I had become the person that I tried to avoid because of their draining energy. These episodes of self pity had become almost daily until my last therapy session.
(Let me go get my therapy notes)
In my session, we talked about an issue I’ve been dealing with for years. I told her how this person treated me. Things they’ve said and so on and so forth. While talking about it, I could feel myself getting worked up (cuz it ain’t healed yet). My therapist let me finish. We talked and we talked and at the end of that talk, I had two pages full of notes.
I had to understand that sometimes someone’s behavior is a reflection of who they are, and has absolutely nothing to do with you. (Stop taking things personal Jazmine). We discussed coping strategies, and she gave me a few things to put in my very own “Coping Strategy Bag”. We talked about thought blocking skills. Listen friends, she got me all the way together!
I took away so many gems, but a huge one...everybody isn’t going to like you, and that’s okay. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. The more important question...do you like you?
Yeah, more focus on Me/I & less Them/They, I get it now.
Until next time...🦋