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Capturing the Beauty Behind the Pain

I received a photo shoot as a Christmas gift. I had rescheduled twice and the new date was quickly approaching. I was on the fence about canceling a third time but, I waited too late and here I was the night before.

I got up that morning completely unprepared. I hadn’t decided on what I was shooting , nor the location, AND, I was scheduled to shoot three looks.

My anxiety was activated.

Now, I have no problem putting looks together, nor do I have a shortage of things to wear. However, this particular morning, y’all I went back and forth with way too many options. I finally nailed down the three looks, ironed them, then proceeded to get ready. I swear every insecurity I had bubbled to the surface.

My lazy eye. My black knees. My under eye baggage. My old looking hands. My newly ended relationship. I’ve been insecure about the way I look for the majority of my life, but I’ve learned to mask most of them. I look in the mirror daily and tell myself I’m beautiful as a gentle reminder...even on days I don’t believe it.

Truth is, the day of this particular shoot, I wasn’t a week out of my relationship. While it was amicable, AND mutually agreed on, the shit was still heavy on my mind.

How was I going to go out here and smile?

How was I going to move beyond the insecurities?

Listen, I had to silence the negative thoughts. I had to give that mirror one last look. Remind myself of the shit I’ve already overcame, followed by a “you are THAT bitch! Let’s go!” Be your own hype WOman!

I packed up my stuff, and my youngest and I headed out.

Now let’s talk about my photographer. Y’all, whew! When I sat down to shoot the first look, I was nervous as hell and feeling insecure af! Guess what I said? “I’m not very photogenic, so...” He immediately shut that shit down and complemented me! Ha, he had your girl out here feelin’ real Naomi Campbell-ish.

That day he truly captured the beauty behind the pain.

Instagram, little squares of good moments. Cute pictures. Fly outfits. Rarely a representation of lies beneath the surface.

“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.”

Until next time...🦋

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