Today I Did A Thing
Before I tell you what I did, I have to explain to you why it’s so important.
Anxiety and codependency syndrome. What are they and how long have I dealt with them?
Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. (Life 🙄)
Codependency Syndrome: It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
Lately I’ve felt led to share more blogs on mental health, for many reasons. One being how big of an issue it is in our country, AND the fact that so often it goes unaddressed until something tragic happens.
I’ve dealt with both of these the majority of my adult life. The codependency thing, I’ve got figured out, but that anxiety is whole beast in a class if it’s own!
On May 28th I had a scheduled hair appointment in LA. I had originally planned to go for two days, get a nice room, have a date night and make the best of my time there. As time got closer, while the idea sounded real good, I had to be smart, financially. That meant, the two day trip I envisioned had to become a turnaround, so instead of two of us, it became one, me.
I purchased a plane ticket, leaving early Friday morning returning that evening. Doesn’t sound like a big deal right? Wrong! My anxiety immediately went from 0-100. I have never did anything so big alone. I wrote a blog some time ago about conquering something similar, but this was on a grander scale.
The day, before I was scheduled to leave, I ended up with bubble guts. My anxiety had made me physically ill. Woke up the morning of the 28th thinking of an excuse to postpone this trip. Listen friends, I was gon eat that ticket!
Got dressed and headed to the airport. The ride was pretty quiet because my anxiety was at the max. What I was hearing in my head…
“You’re getting ready to get on a plane alone”
“You’re gonna have to rent a car and navigate your way through unfamiliar territory”
“You can’t do this”
“Who do you think you are?”
“Good luck, you’re gonna fail”
I’ve mastered masking. Exterior poised, screaming confidence, but internally struggling.
Went through TSA, found my way to my gate, boarded and off to LA I went. Landed, exited the plane headed to get my rental. I was reading the signs but couldn’t figure out where the hell to go. I immediately started to panic, but I had to calm myself down. I was like, “sis, just ask someone”. Found an airport employee who directed me where I needed to go.
Got my car, pulled out the lot, turned on Waze and started making my way to get breakfast. On the way to my first choice, I saw chik-fil-a! I made a quick detour and got me a chicken biscuit meal with a diet lemonade and a cup of ice. By this time it was close to 9AM, but my appointment wasn’t until noon. I said to myself, “what am I going to do?” Let me tell you what I didn’t do…panic!
I got on that good cell and googled beaches near me. I was less than five miles from dockweiler beach! I was like, bet! I headed to the beach, paid the $7, drove in and there were only three other cars and an RV in the lot. I was literally parked on the sand. I was immediately at peace! I rolled down my windows, inhaled the beach air and ate my breakfast. I sat there scrolling through social media catching up on all the tea and “news”. I then cracked all four windows locked my doors, put the keys in my pocket and got the best nap of my life!
Woke up, it was now 11:30 and I started making my way to my appointment. I failed to mention that everywhere I went was within ten minutes of each other! Made it to my hair appointment and got cute. Now here I was five hours until my flight. Y’all, I went shopping, grabbed lunch and I went back to the beach! Shout out to the guy working the beach entrance who didn’t make me pay again after I missed the big ass sign that read, “no in and out privileges”. The beach, much more crowded, but no less beautiful.
I sat for hours, thanking God for ALL the things. I looked in the mirror of the car and whispered, “sis, I’m so fucking proud of you!” 4:00, I said goodbye to the beach and headed to return my rental. Everything I did was so close, the gas tank of my rental never left full, so I didn’t spend a dollar on gas!
So many lessons from this day trip! Yes I’m 42 and beyond grown, but there is no age limit on fear or anxiety. I encourage the individual reading this, who is afraid of that “big” thing…do it scared!
Until next time…🦋