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Sharing Kids After Divorce

It’s been almost two weeks, but it feels like forever. My two youngest boys are with their dad for the summer (Insert ugly crying here). The older ones will join them after summer school and work.

My kids have never been away from me this long, and I’m going crazy, not really but I’m dramatic. I knew that when I filed for divorce, sharing the kids was part of the deal. Didn’t say I had to like it though.

As a mother I feel like no one knows my children the way that I do, yes, even their father. Can you relate moms? I think it’s a mother’s nature to feel like the all knowing, keeper of every parenting secret, homeopathic remedy, and the protector, something like a mother bear to her cubs. Could also be because they’re with me most of the year. I mean they came through my womb and I was their main source of food the first 2-3 years. I’m just serious.

Since their father decided to relocate out of state I knew that meant summers in the south. After he and I spoke about them coming, months in advance, I was dreading the day. People couldn’t understand why I was so bothered. Why I wasn’t ecstatic about having a “break”. As a parent, I’ve never liked the term “needing a break”. There’s a negative connotation that just doesn’t sit well with me, I get it though.

When two parents divorce it’s important to be fair when it comes to time shared between the two parents. Time spent between the homes create some stability in a somewhat unstable situation.

Divorce is not easy on children.

It also enables the relationship between the child and both parents to continue. It creates a routine, something consistent.

P.S.A #1 – a peaceful coexistence between the divorced parents and practicing restraint when discussing the other parent is essential when sharing children. Yes, even in messy divorces, and I know messy divorce firsthand!

When sharing children remember that it isn’t about you! It isn’t about how much you don’t like the other parent, how mad you are about what they did during the marriage, nor is it a means to get even. The children should always be the focal point, not the scapegoat.

P.S.A #2 – the sharing of the children is NOT, I repeat, NOT a competition.

There is no award given for most liked parent, most extravagant vacations, or the parent who says yes the most. There is no 1st or 2nd place trophy given to the best new spouse/partner. There is no medal awarded to the most fun house.

When deciding a schedule, be realistic, and please be accommodating. If you can’t amicably decide on a schedule, it’s okay to use the court system.

Five important words to remember, best interest of the child.

P.S…I miss my kids y’all

Until next time…💖

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