Queue “My Wedding” playlist on Spotify (because I have one 😆)
Marriage, the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.
Let me say, marriage is still a beautiful thing, contrary to what society has tried to make us believe! Lately it’s been on my mind a lot. I think in part because I’m getting older, and two because it’s something I truly desire. I can say that out loud today, and let me explain why previously I couldn’t. Ten days after my 21st birthday I was married. The big wedding, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearer, the whole production. We even released doves! 🙄While all of that is beautiful, I was not ready for a marriage, but I was excited about a wedding. Pay attention to that statement because it’s important. I think this rings true for so many! A lot won’t admit it, but I believe it’s why so many end up divorced.
I knew nothing about being married. What I knew is what I’d seen my whole life. My grandparents and parents were the examples for me, a visual representation of what “marriage” should look like. Married for several decades so that equated happy and successful right? Were these examples enough? Absolutely not! There were no conversations had about what a marriage should look like. How it worked. The conversations you should have BEFORE getting married. What it takes for it to last, and remain happy after the honeymoon period ends. What it truly meant to be a submissive wife. The individual work required prior to marriage.
Like several church kids my age, we were told that marriage was something you did because it was what God commanded if you chose to be in relationship with someone, especially if you were thinking about living together. You don’t shack, you get married, a lot of us heard this. It was part of the natural order if you will.
My representatives of marriage were from a generation that stayed together through ANY and EVERYTHING. Yes, “for better or worse, for richer or poorer”. We all know the vows, but this was a different level of stay together, often toxic. When I was married and learned that my then spouse was unfaithful, I was encouraged to stay committed to him and the marriage. I was told things like, “all men cheat”, “you said you’d never leave”, “he made a mistake”. I was miserable and had literally began to go crazy. My experience and thought of marriage had been spoiled by lack of preparation, unrealistic expectations, and naivety. Oh, and emotional abuse. I was smart and filed for divorce.
After my marriage experience and a failed engagement years later in another relationship, I vowed to never marry again and I meant that thang! I stood on it as hard as this new generation is standing on business! I’d jumped on the “it’s just a piece of paper” bandwagon. It’s amazing what hurt will do!
Marriage started to feel like a gimmick and by what I see in so many, still does. I see so many people treat marriage like a joke. Not to mention, this new generation of lovers are weird, simply put. Marriages built on lies and looks. Cover up marriages (that a whole other blog in itself!). Open marriages. I mean, to each their own, but as for me and my house (in my best testimony service voice 🤣). I’m not playin’ in Gods face!
What does marriage look like for me today and what do I want?
Marriage looks like a commitment between two imperfect individuals committing to doing life together with God as the head. A mutual want and desire of each other and a marriage.
Before I continue let me make it abundantly clear that marriage is work, continuous work.
Wedding? Yes. A micro bohemian style wedding with good food (because I’m always hungry 😆) with the folks closest to me which is just a handful. I want lots of pictures and video so I’ll always remember. My thoughts on weddings today are very similar to my thoughts on funerals, they are for everybody else, so this time around, small and intimate. Wondering if I have inspo pics? Of course I do! I mean, the word says, write the vision and make it plain! In the event my future husband reads this blog, here they are!
(Pics found on google & Pinterest)
At 44, I’ve never been more ready to do the actual work it takes for marriage. I’m not at all saying that age is a factor for all, but age, maturity and experience play a huge role in what I desire and am ready for today. I’ve done the personal work and healing, so when he comes to find me, I’ll be ready (Proverbs 18:22).
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)
Until next time…🦋