In 2018, why is sex still a taboo topic? Why does it still make people uncomfortable? Growing up with old/old school parents, sex was NEVER openly discussed in our household. I honestly don’t remember ever having a discussion about it. I remember after getting my period (at 9) I was told that I could now get pregnant. Well, was somebody gonna tell me how? The answer was, no. Parents didn’t talk about sex, they just told you not to do it. Totally ineffective strategy.
I learned about sex the same way several of my friends did, through books, HBO, and older fast ass friends. I remember the first book I read with sex in it, Alice Walker’s The Color Purple. I specifically remember reading and rereading Nettie’s tale of events with Mista in the woods. The book belonged to my older sister, I was 9. Reading was how I learned several sex related things.
Cable, not many people I knew had cable growing up but we did. Who remembers Real Sex on HBO? This was the real deal. It was really REAL SEX lol. Every time I could sneak a peek I would, I was curious. I also had unsolicited advice and stories from friends about their experiences. By the time I had reached Jr. High, I remember the girls always talking about being fingered. This was the going thing. This to some of them was their form of sex. They had no clue, I had no clue, but I was intrigued and wanted to know more. Plus, by this time, my hormones were out of control. Music videos after dark. There was one particular show, I can’t remember the name, but I’ll never forget the Tip Drill video.
My lack of sex education and self worth led me to losing my virginity at a very young age and years of promiscuous exploration. I knew I didn’t want that for my children so I had to create a new history.
My generation was definitely sex crazed and this generation seemed to be way more advanced. As a parent of one daughter and three sons I knew I had to have the conversation and I had to do it young, elementary school young. I also knew that I had to establish open lines of communication and a welcoming atmosphere for “the talk” to be received. I had to be the parent and a friend.
My openness with my children made the sex talk easy.
When having the conversation about sex with your children here are a few tips you can use:
• Begin with asking them what they know (it may surprise you and you may learn something)
• Make it clear that there aren’t any stupid questions (judgement free zone)
• Listen
• Ask questions
• Use books
• Be honest
• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable (if this is you)
• Share experiences
• Be detailed (don’t sugarcoat)
Remember that this generation has access to way more than you did. I don’t care how many passwords you use or which sites you block, they can and will find out. It’s your job as a parent to prepare them before the world and the internet does.
Until next time…💖