In the beginning of 2018 I joined an amazing church. I joined the church for a few reasons, but the main reason was, the delivery of the word! This man has a way of breaking down the Bible that even a child can understand. He can command the attention of the non believers. He made it fun and exciting. So why haven’t I been back? Great question!
When I made the decision to join church, again, I hadn’t regularly attended church in years! I mean Y-E-A-R-S. Sunday went from all day church to my designated day of rest and relaxation, preparing for the week ahead. Getting back into the habit of going to church has been a challenge, hence me going awol.
If you’re a regular reader of my blog then you know I grew up a PK. My dad has been a Pastor for 42 years. Church was my entire life! Tuesday was Mission, Wednesday was Bible Study. Thursday was Choir rehearsal. Saturday was free clothing giveaway. Sunday was church allllllllllllll day.
I had began to suffer from church burnout. I know some of y’all can relate! I had also become resentful for staying at my parents’ church out of obligation. You’d be surprised at how many PK’s and family members stay out of obligation, while dying spiritually. Afraid of them being mad at you. Sometimes saying no to family can be hard, especially parents! As the only child who still attended, I felt like I couldn’t leave. After all, there wasn’t a place in the church that I wasn’t involved, but I needed more spiritually. I needed to not just be in a place to work. Sometimes the cook needs to eat. After my divorce, and coming out, I finally got enough nerve to stop going. I needed a break y’all.
When I stopped going, the very thing that I was afraid of happening, happened. My mama was mad. She was angry y’all. So much so that on Sundays I wouldn’t hear from her. That lasted a while.
During the time I stopped attending, I searched for churches, and attended a few, but nothing felt right. Also, by this time my thinking had begun to evolve. I had begun reading more. Studying for myself. Trying to understand religion vs. spirituality.
Now anybody who grew up Christian, or let me speak from what I know, traditional southern Baptist, there is no other right religion 🤷🏽♀️. There is no trying to understand the point of view of those who don’t believe what you were raised to believe. Here is what I came to learn, there is no respect when it comes to belief systems.
You have the Baptist, the Methodist, the Pentecostal, the COGIC, the Mormon, the African Methodist Episcopal, the Catholics, the Jehovah Witnesses (side note…I appreciate the hustle, but can y’all stop ringing my doorbell at 8 AM? Even Jehovah rested), the Muslims, the Buddhist, the New Thought, the Seventh Day Adventist, and I could name more! And guess what? Everybody believes they’re right. How does another person’s beliefs affect you? What you eat don’t make me 💩.
Is it possible for you to believe what you believe and let others believe what they believe without judgement? Y’all would be surprised at how many “friends” I lost when I came out because according to them, my life no longer aligned with God’s word or their beliefs. I think I’m gonna bring back WWJD bracelets (Kanye Shrug).
Now back to why I haven’t been back to church. Simply put, I wasn’t ready. While I was ready to deepen my relationship with God, the Sunday morning routine was too much too fast.
Who knows what the future holds. One day, I may be ready, I just know that today is not that day.
Until next time…💖