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Family Secrets, Trauma, & Dysfunction


Illegitimate/Secret children





Why don’t we tell the truth about our pasts? Is it embarrassment? Is it shame? Is it fear of being judged? I believe it’s a combination of all of those plus some.

How many grew up to learn pieces of family history and secrets that would have been helpful to know when you were growing up, or explained a lot of what you saw in yourself and in others? (Hand raised)

I’ve heard many different stories and secrets of several different families,

(including my own), and I’ve seen the affects. I’m going to share a few with you.

Imagine carrying a child conceived out of rape. Imagine the feelings of not wanting this child, transferred through your womb, directly into subconscious of this innocent child. From the beginning, this child felt unwanted, and instead of sharing, you held that secret for several decades.

A woman who couldn’t conceive. Her sister gave birth to a child and gave this child to her. This child is raised their entire life believing their aunt is their biological mother only to learn the truth when their biological mom is on her death bed. What did this create? Anger, resentment, and mistrust. While the intentions were pure, the deceit remained.

Nine years old, molested by a family member, and having to live with the trauma of being told NOT to tell anyone so no shame is brought to the family.

Raped at 13, never telling a soul out of fear. Reliving that moment over and over. Having your child suffer the same fate at 14 and never telling a soul out of the same fear you experienced. Imagine how you could have healed by addressing your trauma, and how you could have helped your own child heal just by sharing your secret.

Pregnant at 15 and abandoned. Ostracized and shamed by your religious family. Moving on your own with no sense of direction. Having your child raised by your parents.

What happens when we keep secrets? When we don’t acknowledge trauma, or when we choose to be silent during dysfunction? You don’t allow yourself to properly heal. Relationships are destroyed. Trust is broken. Who’s heard, “that’s just how he/she is”.

It’s impossible to heal what you never confront. It also impossible to heal what’s hidden. Not sharing continues the pattern. Unless we disrupt the cycle of dysfunction, trauma, and keeping secrets, it will show up generation after generation after generation.

Family pathology…what keeps showing up in your family?

How do we overcome the secrets, heal the trauma and dysfunction? Let me be clear, I am NOT a therapist, but I’ve been through some things. What I’m sharing are MY experiences.

How do we overcome? ? We tell the truth! We face our trauma head on to heal it. We share with generations to come the secrets of our past to disrupt the pattern, to end generational curses.

Remember, suffering in silence is optional.

Until next time…💛

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