Sunday 10/13 was a day. I’d had a discussion with someone that put me in a bad headspace. Im normally strong enough to brush it off, but today was a little different. As a person who suffered for years with anxiety and depression, every now and then I’m reminded that there’s still more work to do.
After this interaction, everything began spiraling (thoughts are powerful y’all). You know those moments when you lose control and everything seems to go to shit in a hand basket real quick? Those who have suffered with anxiety and depression know exactly what I mean. One thing happens which triggers a deluge of negative thoughts.
Throughout the course of the day my children kept asking me was I okay. Now, I’m really bothered because I’ve allowed this mess to affect my exterior. Suffering with anxiety and depression as long as I did, you learn how to mask. You learn how to exist on autopilot, presenting a pseudo happy exterior, however, there are moments when the facade doesn’t work.
Remember the spiraling right? Well, earlier in the day I went into my closet to get clothes. I currently have organizational storage that I built and installed, nothing extravagant but it gets the job done. While pulling out a shirt, the bins come apart on the end. As I tried to repair it, that triggers a domino effect and half of the unit falls apart and all of my clothes fall to the floor.
I take a deep breath, put the clothes aside in nice neat folded piles and began to rebuild. As I’m reattaching the last piece, it falls apart again. Y’all, I literally screamed, threw all the clothes into a pile and cried like a baby. I had a full fledged meltdown. I gathered myself, got up, stepped away, showered and went on about my day. At that point, I had given up. I was not going to rebuild that damn thing.
It’s now late in the evening and before my children went to bed, I talked to them. Providing them clarity is important to me. We talked, said our I Love You’s and they were off to bed. I sat downstairs by myself in the quiet to go over the day. Here is what I know for sure, I’m human. Too often we are too hard on ourselves. We don’t give ourselves grace
What I learned that day:
I am human
It’s okay to no be okay
Don’t be so hard on yourself
Walk away but don’t give up
It’s better to face an obstacle with a clear head
Every morning I post inspirational messages on my Instagram stories, and this particular day I had to watch them for inspiration. This is one the one that helped me!
If you’re having a bad day. Allow yourself a moment, but don’t stay there.
Speaking of NOT staying there, I did indeed repair my closet. Grant it, it was about 12:30 AM on a work night, but I did repair it. I refolded all of my clothes, and put them away nicely. I didn’t give up, I did step away to breathe though.
How do you deal with breakdowns?
Until next time…🦋