Let them have a bad day. Let them have an attitude. Let them be mad. Let them, let them, let them.
As an empath and recovering people pleaser I want to encourage you to let them have a bad day, and by them, I mean any and everyone, but especially those close to you.
I am one of the most empathetic people I know, and as I stated, a recovering people pleaser. This at times can be a debilitating combination if you don’t have boundaries or know how to properly manage both. Because empathetic people feel more than the average human, and are extremely sensitive to the energy of those close, it can go from great to not so great real quick.
Have you ever been in an amazing mood? Woke up feeling like new money and your kids get up feeling blah and you encounter their energy? Or your spouse/significant other got a spirit of stank on em? Or the coworker who always got a problem visits your desk, and next thing you know, your amazing mood dwindles quickly? I mean now you got sour face.
The number of times this has happened to me is unthinkable. The two groups that trip me up the quickest, my kids and my significant other (insert eye roll). Now the whole house mad and don’t nobody know why.
Whenever I’d encounter someone whose energy was off, I’d immediately go into captain save a human mode, because I the empath/people pleaser in me had an obligation to fix them (so I thought). At times, at the expense of myself. This is where the combination of the two became problematic. The empath in me wanted to create a safe space for the individual to feel and express emotion, and the people pleaser wanted to feel needed, be liked and feared rejection.
What if I told you that it’s not your job to do that, to fix them or help them navigate their emotions? That their emotional state isn’t your responsibility, especially if helping them impacts you and your mood negatively. I’ll go even further, 99.9% of the time it has nothing to do with you! This statement is more related to dealing with the people closest to you. Let’s go a little further, AND if it does have something to do with you and it isn’t communicated, then it’s none of your business.
Before I tell you how to find balance and protect your energy, let me just say, being an empath is NOT a bad thing. It’s actually quite the gift. It gives us the ability to connect with people on a deeper level. Intuition of an empath is top tier! We notice the subtleties of slight changes in facial expressions, body language and an individual’s tone, even via text! A lot of empaths are natural born healers, it’s why people naturally gravitate towards us and feel safe in our presence. Have you ever been told by someone that they feel safe with you? That you’re easy to talk to? That your energy is calming? We can hear what’s not being said.
Now how do you balance and protect your energy? Boundaries! We hear this so much and it’s because it’s vital in so many situations, especially this one!
Boundaries I’ve set for myself as an empath/recovering people pleaser;
* Addressing my needs FIRST.
* Not allowing myself to be a dumping ground. I will not be a constant go-to for your issues, and will let you know that.
* Saying no. Even to those I love. Yes parents, that even means the kids. And I mean non negotiable no’s! My people pleasers will get this! I promise you, they will be alright and so will you.
* Being self aware.
* Praying.
* Not taking moods personally. 3 things I tell myself: This has nothing to do with me. Their issue is not my issue. Their emotions are not mine to absorb/carry.
* Not answering the calls of certain individuals. I am Queen of let it ring.
* Only asking “what’s wrong?” IF I have the capacity.
These boundaries are also how I’m healing my people pleasing tendencies. I'll leave you with this quote.
